I Might Be a Prophet

As a Shepherd, working exclusively with men, healing is connected to some very hard conversations. On the other side of conflict is the man, God has called many to be. To become him, the past pain, the past behaviors and former reputations must reconciled.

As a rule, honesty is the best policy. Scripture warns us to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. While I do recommend to confront who you have been, I also caution leaders to use discretion, discernment and discipline.

Here is a guideline.

S.T.E.W.
Strategy, Timing, Expertise and Wisdom

Let it STEW …
* Before you confront your spouse, your child or an abuser.
* Before you reveal an act of betrayal, dishonesty or some egregious past behavior.
* Before you walk the path of extreme ownership, complete accountability or redemption repentance.
* Before you address any life altering or drastic relationship changing endeavor.
Again, Let it STEW …

::What is STEW::
A process of confronting the biggest, exceedingly difficult and most intimidating conflicts in life, business and relationships.

::stew’
to boil slowly or with simmering heat

[S]trategy] Step 1
Focus. Have a goal in mind and a clear vision of what you going to accomplish, both the pros and the cons. This includes being aware of what you will and are NOT willing to do. Short term wins, Intermediate benchmarks and long term accomplishments are dreamed up in this stage. Write out the comprehensive steps 1 through 10, by determining your non negotiables and order them by priority.

– What’s your plan?
– What’s your approach?
– Why are you doing this?
– Who does this affect?
– Are you ready?
– Do you move solo or with help?
– Have you tried this before?
– Are your emotions intact?

[T]iming] Step 2
Knowing when to strike and the benefits of moving slower or faster. Consider the rhythm and tempo for all parties involved. When you start the process, you must see it to the end, Interruptions can be costly. Check your heart for the preparedness for this task, at this time. Evaluate if you are motivated by love for those involved or by fear.

– What happens if you move now?
– What are the effects of moving to quickly?
– Is there a more opportune time for the best results?
– Are you rushing it?
– Will this take up too much of your time?
– Is it worth your time?

[E]xpertise] Step 3
Find professionals or individuals that have first hand world experience in this area. Read up on best practices and find case studies that lay out realistic outcomes, what to look for and what the real life costs will be. Lean not to your own understanding and give authority to the insights of vetted others, to speak into your situation.

– Who do you trust?
– Who have you asked?
– Are you open to advice?
– Do you have ALL the answers?
– Did you get good counsel?
– Did you develop your plan after receiving insight?
– Does this situation occur often in your family?
– Are you nervous?

[W]isdom] Step 4
Wisdom is the rightness that comes from time spent with God. It is the place where man’s reasoning ends and God’s reasoning begins. Knowledge is the information, understanding is the application and wisdom is the illumination. Wisdom is knowing how, when and where to deploy, to maneuver or to retreat. Wisdom is a personified nature of God. Wisdom is not accessible by anyone. Your carnal nature wars with wisdom. Wisdom is humble and communing with her produces the byproduct, empathy.

– Who gets the Glory from what you are planning to do?
– What will the aggregate spiritual and emotional costs be for this plan?
– Have you sought direction from the Holy Spirit?
– Who will it help and Who will this plan hurt?
– What is your mode, the method and the measure?
– Have you checked your ego?
– What is your arrogance level?
– At your core, do you want a heart renewal or just a behavioral change?
– How important is reconciliation in your plan?
– How does the plan ultimately restore people and relationships?