Have you ever been left out or excluded from something? Perhaps a group of friends or even family decide to exclude you in some way. The world can be a tough place, when yohu are being purposely ignored and left out.
Perhaps it is the rejection of a lover, a friend or even worse a parent, that has decided to turn their backs on you. No matter who you are, at some point, you have been deny access or entry to something.
Maybe, you got cut by the basketball team, or the volleyball team or you were not good enough to be apart of the group. It may have even been the cool kids table at school, the chess club or the PTA.
Somehow, you were seen, as not smart enough, tall enough, strong enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, fast enough, worthy enough or even sharp enough. It is tough not being enough.
Then, what is perhaps even worse, are the comparisons. If only you were more like your brother or your sister. A teacher could have compared you to other students and treated you indifferently.
This pain of rejection is a universal experience, some react by retreating into themselves, others get angry, some internalize to a point of self harm. Some make the ultimate decision and choose to end it all, by embracing suicide.
I believe, there is an alternative view and it comes from seeing the whole movie, instead of focusing on one scene. When I was 15, I was able to better understand myself a 5. At 25, the 15 year old me made more sense. At 35, I had more clarity on what the 25 year old was doing wrong. At 45, I realized that all things are working together for my good.
All the pain was a process and the process leads to a perfecting and that perfecting leads to purpose. Nothing is arbitrary and nothing is by happenstance, it all points me directly toward the reasons, why I was born.
Each of us has a unique purpose, calling and gifting. It is a benefit of having breath in your body, you and I were born for a purpose. We have an assignment hardwired in our DNA and I must tell you a little known secret about you. Your DNA is perfect. It is flawless and it is perfect because of who designed it.
If we are now looking at the whole movie and not just one scene, we have to reevaluate, why bad things happen to us. Why is it that, as you are trying do the right thing and wrong things keep happening. The pains in life and the hardships are designed to reveal our character. To show us our blind spots, to show us, who we are now.
It takes pressure to reveal the flaws in your character, under the pressure of pain, anger and hurt the real you is revealed. This is where the real work can begin, if you can see the movie and not just the scene.
When you realize, that your purpose is protecting you, then each bump in the road can be seen in a different way.
You, at a point, understand that pain is not just hurtful, but it also gives clarity. The pain of rejection is more than hurt, though it does, deeply. It is the first step in the process of growth. Are you being buried to die or planted to grow? They both seem like the same thing, from the outside looking in, but there is a difference between a farmer’s prayer and the last rights.
The process of being ostracized and rejection is traumatic and life altering. This is isolation. You are placed in a situation, where you are tolerated and not celebrated. You are widely know, but not widely loved. A situation, where you are continually reminded, that you do not belong.
The isolation forces you to operate outside of family, social or business circles and to fend for yourself. This can feel like shame and embarrassment, even guilt. It is important to press forward despite the pain and use the isolation to re-evaluate who you are. Are you overly dependent on the approval of others?
The isolation is where some weaknesses will be revealed in your personality and overall character. What a man does in desperation and under pressure reveal who he is. This is the trying part of the process, can you overcome the offense? Are you going to languish in the, ‘what was’ or accept the, ‘hear and now’?
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.