Beloved you are secretly addicted to a behavior and a need for escapism. The addiction has become a god and you are living from one high to the next high. The behaviors of bingeing and purging have become far too common.
The addictive behavior is the fruit and trauma is the root. Until the layers of the traumatic events are exposed and allowed to heal, the need for escapism, will be the outcome. The craving could be a physical, mental or an emotional over reliance .
The real you is hidden between the exhaustion and the escaping. Who you are outside of the behavior is a mystery. When you say yes to the escapism, you are also saying, yes to the pain and yes to trauma. You are giving it the control.
Yes to one thought process, becomes no to another thought. As the escapism is further exercised, you are saying no, to your purpose, no to your calling and no to your gifting. The answer to the addiction is a healed heart.
Isaiah 53:4-6
Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all.
I Might Be a Prophet 