#308 – Grace & Provision

Not long ago, I was sick to the point of incapacity, abdominal pains had become so intense that, I drove myself to the emergency room. I was there for several hours, receiving a battery of tests and eventually referred to a gastrointestinal specialist. In the interim, I completely lost my appetite and subsequently 30 pounds. I spent 18 hours a day in the bed.

I eventually had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy, the endoscopy was clear, but the colonoscopy found ulcers and inflammation in my intestines. The ulcers were so pronounced that the colonoscopy could not be fully done. The recommendation was rest, fluids and antibiotics.

I eventually followed up with the doctor and did another colonoscopy, this time the inflammation was gone and the ulcers were also reduced to nothing. A biopsy determined there was no cancer, Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis.

I remember a peculiar question that the doctor asked me, ‘what do you think could be causing the ulcers’. I found this to be odd, because the doctor was the specialist and the expert. I was hoping the doctor could tell me.

What, I did not fully understand then and I have a clearer picture of now is this: I was the only one who could answer the question. The Doctor was not asking about my lifestyle, per se, but about my life. In other words, what are you stressing over and worrying about that is affecting your health?

Eventually, I realized it was my business, that was causing my stress. I was trying to hang onto something, that the season for, had ended. The business in particular was not the issue.

The issue was in the affirmation, sense of worth and the identity, I received from being a successful entrepreneur. I made the mistake of connecting my value, worth and status to an external achievement. This flawed logic was adversely affecting my health in a major way.

I clearly remember having a sense and unction from God, that 10 years in that business was the assignment and it was time to transition into my next season. Here is the epiphany, my ulcers were due to my disobedience.

The grace and provision had moved to the next season of my life, I was operating under my own authority and no longer under God’s authority. The cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night was moving and I remained in the old place.

I lost sight of what I valued, I value God’s presence. I made the business, my reputation and status more important than obedience. Those things had become idols, I manufactured my very own idol.

Matthew 6:31-34
Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans strive after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.