You have to let it go, because it is killing you. The thought that keeps running through you mind over and over is robbing you of your energy. To hold anger, hostility and anxiety is a burden.
Your feelings are valid and they come from a sincere place. What began as a reasonable response, has aged, over grown and is now rotten. The coping mechanism is now an anchor.
An anchor is good in the harbor, but is an impediment when movement is required. It is time to move on, move away and move expeditiously. What you have held against others, as ransom, has lost its value.
You are clutching a bundle of dry bones. Your strategy is a dead one and you need to reevaluate your motives. You started with an earnest intend, but the conditions around you have changed and it is time to accept this new reality.
Proverbs 17:22
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones
I Might Be a Prophet 