Your desire to break the cycle, to be a light in a dark world, to stop the hemorrhaging and to restore the breach is noble, but it has taken MY place and become an idol. What is Good is overriding what is God.
The searching high and low, the chasing of this and of that, ignores an obvious fact. I have wired the answers within you. The secrets you are looking for had been hidden in the vault of your heart. It is for you, to unlock.
The trials, the tribulations and the things this seem impossible to overcome are the refiners fire, sent to prove you. There are no masterpieces without a proving, silver nor gold can be of high quality, without time spent inside the crucible.
Do you want to shine or do you want to last? To shine is easy, but lasting is durability and the incapability of being counterfeited. I AM asking you to stay in the fire, to commit to the crucible, that you might shine forever.
Human defiance only enhances your glory, for you use it as a weapon. Make vows to the LORD your God, and keep them. Let everyone bring tribute to the Awesome One. For he breaks the pride of princes, and the kings of the earth fear him.